By David Maillu
Published September 22, 2023

After the children had grown up, their attention turned to their mother. Thomas Muasya became irrelevant to the family he had spent his lifetime fending for. In my Akamba community there is a new social function organized by a group of
women called Ndwae tokone mwaitu which means Give me company to see
my mother. The group comprises adult women is in honour of the
mother. The participants collect goodies to present to the mother as
an appreciation of the love and dedication the mother had in bringing them up.

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The other day I was discussing that issue with a friend who halted
speaking, stared at me and swallowed before he told me, “Listen to this. I
have a relative old couple in the village. The other day all the daughters
accompanied by their friends staged one Ndwae tukone mwaitu visit. They
stormed the mother by throwing a memorable party during which they gave
her a closed fat khaki envelope in which was stashed Sh20,000. Since
the occasion had been prescribed as daughter-and-mother matter, the old
man, Thomas Muasya, had walked out to give them complete female freedom. I
was told after the function was over, Ndindi gave her husband only Sh2000
and kept the rest since it was her present.

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That story broke my heart when I remembered the history of that family when Thomas Muasya
was the sole breadwinner. He was the most dedicated father to the
family. He gave the children all the education they needed when he was the
proud commander-in-chief of the family. The family was so proud of him.
Not anymore. After the children had grown up, their attention turned to their mother. Thomas
Muasya became irrelevant to the family he had spent his lifetime
fending for.

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I hear the best the children remember about the father is how demanding he used to be and how, if any of them misbehaved, was fiercely punished. After Muasya’s retirement to the countryside, he was destined to a miserable life having left his best friends in Nairobi where he used to work. Today, Thomas Muasya has got no income. When he falls sick, he has no money for a doctor. Nobody bothers about what clothes he wears. He had retired from wearing polished shoes to wearing used car tyre sandals. His wife, usually dressed queenly by the children, is usually busy visiting his married children and playing with her grandchildren. Oftentimes, Muasya is left home alone to fend for himself, and wash his old clothes.I hear the best the children remember about the father is how
demanding he used to be and how, if any of them misbehaved, was fiercely
punished. After Muasya’s retirement to the countryside, he was destined to a
miserable life having left his best friends in Nairobi where he used to
work. Today, Thomas Muasya has got no income. When he falls
sick, he has no money for a doctor. Nobody bothers about what clothes he
wears. He had retired from wearing polished shoes to wearing used car tyre sandals.

His wife, usually dressed queenly by the children, is usually busy
visiting his married children and playing with her grandchildren.
Oftentimes, Muasya is left home alone to fend for himself, and wash his
old clothes.

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In the same community, daughters do not have another social function for
fathers; neither do sons have a similar thing. In fact, leaving alone
social functions, the father’s abandonment by his sons is even worse. The
attention of sons gets so easily swallowed by their wives. The sons,
nevertheless, still have time and feel responsible for their mother who,
from time to time, is helpful and has more meaning to the grandchildren.